GARA DI BARZELLETTE

 

ETNA -- HEY, DID YOU KNOW? SOME IDIOTS SAY YOU ARE NOT ITALIANS, BECAUSE OF YOUR SKIN COLOR AND YOUR DIFFERENT RELIGION....

PEOPLE --- AH AH AH AH AH AH... THAT'S GREAT, INDEED!

PEOPLE --- AND GUESS WHAT? SOMEONE STILL THINKS VESUVIUS IS A REAL VOLCANO...

ETNA --- AH AH AH AH AH AH ....YOU WON! AH AH AH AH

ASH-LO-WEEN

 

ETNA: HAHAHAHAH YOU IDIOTS... DO YOU REALLY NEED TO GET MASKED LIKE THAT, IN ORDER TO SCARE PEOPLE?

STROMBOLI: WELL, WHY GENIUS? HOW DO YOU MAKE PEOPLE AFRAID, USUALLY?

ETNA: THAT'S SO EASY..... (BOOM) ...

PEOPLE: HEEELP!....OH, NOT AGAIN!!!... ASH AGAIN, NOOO!... AARGH!... HELP US, GOD!

ABBALLAMU

 

ETNA DANCING AN ARABIC MUSIC AND MOVING HER FLANKS

PEOPLE - HEY, LISTEN... ENOUGH WITH THIS BELLY-DANCE. CAN'T YOU SEE WE DON'T LIKE IT? .......... WHAT'S THIS STUFF GOT TO DO WITH YOU, ANYWAY? YOU ARE NOT TUNISIAN.

ETNA - OH, I SEE. IT IS A PROBLEM OF PATRIOTIC IDENTITY THEN... WELL, OK

DANCING A SICILIAN TARANTELLA AND STILL MOVING HER FLANKS! (PEOPLE GETTING MAD!)

ET ANCHE NO

 

800 ANNI DALLA MORTE DI SAN FRANCESCO

"PRAISED BE THE LORD, FOR OUR BROTHERS THE VOLCANOES THAT OFFER US DAILY SHOWS .....................WELL, MAYBE THEY BETTER DON'T!" (800th anniversary of St Francis' death)

PADRE, PERDONA LORO ...

 

STROMBOLI:  -- At last, you September tourists! Since Etna's gone back to sleep, now you can enjoy my greatness !

TOURISTS:   -- Are you kidding us? How boring! You always do the same stupid things, small eruptions every 20 minutes or so... we want more!

We want paroxysms, flank vents, pyroclastic streams, crowds in Valle del Bove, cars parked in the middle of the street, guides cursing, rangers chasing photographers everywhere, the lady in her elegant dress pretending to climb the rocky path...... and the stupid American guy who walks on the hot rocks with summer shoes, influencers taking selfies on the crater's edge as it collapses... cooking sausages in sulphur....

STROMBOLI:  -- Oh, Hephaestus... forgive them because they really do not know what they're talking about !

L'ETNA DEI RICCHI

 

DANY (former Minister of Tourism and rich wife of a very rich man): --- HELLO DARLING, IT'S DANY... I THIN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I WANT YOU TO BE MY BRAND NEW SUPER-LUXURY EMPIRE. I WANT TO BUILD HERE ... YOU KNOW... GLAMPING, EXISTENTIAL SPA, BOUTIQUE HOTEL... WHATEVER... SOME 3000 EUROS PER NIGHT, YOU UNDERSTAND?

ETNA  --- OK BUT WHY DON'T YOU TRY WITH STROMBOLI FIRST?

DANY --- WHO... THIS DWARF OVER THERE, WHO HARDLY COMES OUT OF THE FOG? MY BATHROOM IS TWICE AS LARGER!

NO, BABY, I WANT YOU. SO NOW TELL ME, PLEASE, WHERE CAN I START BUILDING MY SUPER-LUXURY STRUCTURES!

ETNA --- OK, WRITE DOWN... THE PLACE IS CALLED <<PERNICANA FAULT>>... VERY NICE, ON MY NORTH FLANK, WITH A VIEW OVER TAORMINA  

DANY --- WOW, GREAT, LET ME WRITE: PER-NI-CA-NA---NORTH...

SILENCE, PLEASE!

 

ME:  SO, WHAT IS THIS SILENCE, SUDDENLY?

.......... DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AT ALL?

ETNA: ARE YOU SURE YOU REALLY WANT ME TO "SAY" SOMETHING?

----THINKING ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE FROM LAST ERUPTION------

ME: UHMMM....NOOOPE!

ETNA: "M'AVA PASSU" (sicilian: I THINK I MISUNDERSTOOD)

INVIDIA DEL PLUME

 

L'ETNA E' NEL PIENO DI UNA MEGA ERUZIONE SPETTACOLARE CHE DURA DA SETTIMANE E ATTIRA MIGLIAIA DI TURISTI.

E STROMBOLINO, POVERINO.............?

E' DALLO PSICANALISTA A CURARE L'INVIDIA PER CIO' CHE LUI NON SA PRODURRE: I MEGA PLUMES (le colonne di cenere giganti) !

ETNA IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPECTACULAR MEGA ERUPTION THAT HAS LASTED FOR WEEKS AND ATTRACTS THOUSANDS OF TOURISTS.

AND WHAT ABOUT LITTLE STROMBOLI, POOR THING.............?

HE'S AT THE PSYCHOANALYST'S TO TREAT HIS ENVY FOR WHAT HE CAN'T PRODUCE: THE MEGA PLUMES (giant columns of ash)!

SEXY RED

 

STROMBOLI --- HEY, IT'S NOT NEW YEAR'S EVE... CHANGE THAT RED UNDERWEAR, YOU SHAMELESS!

ETNA --- ENVY, HUH??

Eruzione Etna 6 agosto 2026

Etna eruption aug. 6th

AMORE NON CORRISPOSTO

 

ETNA LOVES US SO VERY MUCH.... SHE DOESN'T WANT US TO LEAVE!!!!

REMIGRA STO CAxxx

 

ETNA -- Hey, I don't want you to steal other people's job

STROMBOLI -- Is it my fault if you don't want to be a volcano anymore while I still do?

ETNA -- Besides, you are the only one who takes his magma from the African plate

STROMBOLI -- So what?

ETNA -- So... REMIGRATION!

STROMBOLI -- Fine! I will "remigrate" anywhere you like, if you start a super eruption right now... I mean, immediately.

ETNA  .......

STROMBOLI -- So? I'm waiting for it.......