REMIGRA STO CAxxx

 

ETNA -- Hey, I don't want you to steal other people's job

STROMBOLI -- Is it my fault if you don't want to be a volcano anymore while I still do?

ETNA -- Besides, you are the only one who takes his magma from the African plate

STROMBOLI -- So what?

ETNA -- So... REMIGRATION!

STROMBOLI -- Fine! I will "remigrate" anywhere you like, if you start a super eruption right now... I mean, immediately.

ETNA  .......

STROMBOLI -- So? I'm waiting for it.......

LA GUERRA DEI COGLIONI

 

STROMBOLI: - Are they new volcanoes erupting?

ETNA:             - No! Same old dick-head humans fighting!

MAI COME TRUMP

 

VOLCANO MARSILI -- I want the Thyrrenian Sea! I need it for my private security!!

ETNA -- Did you hear it?

STROMBOLI -- Yeah... YUK! he speaks just like Trump!

VOLCANO MARSILI -- Like Trump? Are they really comparing me with that awful orange MAFIA BOSS????....No, I don't want this.............Uhm, hello dear friends. If I will ever come to surface, will you kindly allow me to also enjoy the Thyrrenian Sea, please?

ETNA -- Wow, what a big change! Not even the worst sea monster wants to be like Trump!

CHIEDETEGLI SCUSA

 

ETNA: "MOUNT ETNA IS SCARY"... DID YOU REALLY WRITE THAT?

STROMBOLI: REALLY? DO YOU BELIEVE ETNA IS SCARY?

ETNA: 50% ITALIANS WISH TO HAVE A BEAST LIKE TRUMP AS PRESIDENT, JUSTIFY A MAFIA GANGSTER LIKE PUTIN AND TOLERATE AN ANIMAL SUCH AS NETANYAHU....

STROMBOLI: ...AND IS ETNA THE ONE YOU CONSIDER SCARY?

ETNA: YOU GLORIFY INVASIONS, ATTACKS, BOMBINGS, DEPORTATIONS, GENOCIDES... AND THEN ...

STROMBOLI: ...THEN YOU SAY IT'S VOLCANOES THAT ARE SCARY AND DANGEROUS?

ETNA: YOU MOCK HONEST PEOPLE, DEMOCRACY, LEGAL RIGHTS, HUMAN RIGHTS, YOU PROTECT THIEVES, TERRORISTS, KILLERS.... AND I AM THE DANGER???

STROMBOLI: I MUST TELL YOU ... IF WE VOLCANOES COULD EVER HAVE CHILDREN, WE WOULD NEVER  EVER EVER  LET YOU HUMANS GET CLOSE TO THEM.  SHAME ON YOU ALL.  AND NOW, DO APOLOGIZE !!

VULCANI EUROPEI DESTINATI ALL'ESTINZIONE

 

ST HELENS - ALL THESE STUPID EUROPEAN VOLCANOES SHALL BE EXTINCT VERY SOON

KAMCHATCKA VOLCANOES - DAH, DAH, THE VOLCANOES OF THE YEUROPEAN UNION MUST BE DESTROYED

STROMBOLI - I AM SCARED! ALL THESE MAFIA VOLCANOES THREATENING US ALL THE TIME... WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

ETNA - AHAHAHAHHAHA... ARE YOU SERIOUS? SCARED OF WHAT? DID YOU SEE THEM? THE AMERICAN ONE IS SO OLD AND IDIOT HE ONLY ERUPTS ONCE IN 3 CENTURIES AND CANNOT EVEN RESIST ONE SINGLE ERUPTION WITHOUT COLLAPSING! AND THE RUSSIANS... EVEN WHEN THEY ERUPT, NO ONE CARES!

SCARED OF THEM? REALLY? THE TRUTH IS... THEY ARE THE ONES TO FEAR US EUROPEANS SO MUCH THEY PISS IN THEIR OWN SHOES!

I VULCANI "DI SINISTRA" SONO CATTIVI

 

MARSILI -- Hey, you surface volcanoes... I'm coming! And when I'll come you'll see what can I do. I will break you, cover you in lavas, chase you, hit you, you will repent you even started to erupt....

... I will give you a very bad life, I'll destroy you, kill you, smash you, I'll...

ETNA (IN SICILIAN) -- You know, you fish broth? Now I come and turn you off!

MARSILI -- Did you seeeehhh? How incredibly violent these Left Wing volcanoes aaaareeeh??? I want my mommyyyy!!!!

FORSE ERA TROPPO POCO

 

ETNA - The psycho president of the USA uses his friend's death to start violence against his political rivals... the nazi Russian dictator attacks everyone and then says it's them who want the war... a holocaus survivor murders 10 times more than his own murderers... the catholic "pro life" wishes gay people die... Novax conspiracists ask for sympathy but they won't give anyone it ....

STROMBOLI - The more I know humans, the more I feel lucky to be born a volcano. What do you think, Grandpa?

VESUVIUS - Guys... I'd always thought it was too much destroying Ercolano and Pompei. But since I see all this sh*t around, perhaps it wasn't much enough!

L'ARMA NUCLEARE SOMMERSA - UNDERWATER NUCLEAR WEAPON

 

MARSILI:   -  ... AND YOU WERE LUCKY, TOO, BECAUSE TODAY I AM NOT PISSED OFF!

NON MI VENDO

 

TRUMP: hey volcana, I've just bought the EU, Scotland and planning to buy Greenland soon. But I also want you as my private spa. What is your cost? How much?

ETNA: "Howmuch-a" this bunch of lapilli, man! You won't buy me!

TRUMP: Everyone is for sale. How much do you want? 10 millions? 5 billions? 200 billions?

ETNA: ok, if you must ... you can have me if you give me that expired herbicide you splat on your face so to make it orange!

TRUMP: what?? no, no, I really need that color... I won't give it away, not even for saving my life. How would I look so tanned, then???

ETNA: DON'T WORRY, I'LL MANAGE TO TAN YOU PROPERLY!

TRUMP (RUNNING AWAY): - Hey Giorgia, daddy here... listen... I'm not interested in the spa anymore. I'll think about pilates, maybe, or bingo.... yeah, let's see... I better go...

ETNA: DON'T LET ANYONE BUY YOU. NEVER.

BASTA SCIE SOLFOROSE!!!

 

----------------------------------------------

Trump: Hey, volcana, why are you spreading in the air sulfur dioxide like that? don't you know in America we decided all chemical trails are outlaw? As soon as Florida makes the law you will be arrested. Then we'll make the same law for all USA, then we'll make the same law for Europe, then... 

ETNA: Then you go suck a big plum, you and the whole place where you belong!

DAZI VULCANICI

 

TRADUZIONE PER CHI NON CAPISCE IL SICILIANO E/O L'ITALIANO TRUMPIANO!!!

ITA

TRUMP  - HEY VULCANA, GUAI A TE SE MANDI LA TUA LURIDA CENERE SULLA MIA BASE DI SIGONELLA. E' PRODOTTO ITALIANO SU TERRITORIO AMERICANO, SE LO FAI TI FACCIO PAGARE UN DAZIO MOLTO SALATO.

ETNA - COMPARE... INNANZI TUTTO, ABBASSA QUEL DITO. POI, SMETTILA DI URLARE CHE NON SIAMO ALLA PESCHERIA. IO LA MIA CENERE LA BUTTO DOVE MI PARE, SE VUOI IL DAZIO TE LO PAGO...............

...........MA TE LO PAGO CON LA MIA MONETA, LE BOMBE VULCANICHE. E SE TI MANDO LA PIU' PICCOLA POI PER TROVARTI DEVONO USARE IL MICROSCOPIO NUCLEARE, PENSA CON LA PIU' GROSSA. CHE DOBBIAMO FARE??

TRUMP - EHM... PENSO CHE TORNERO' NEGLI USA COL PRIMO AEREO. ADDIO, CAPO!

ETNA - BRAVO, TORNATENE ALLA FIERA.

---------------------------------------------------------

ENGL

TRUMP --- HEY VOLCANA,  BEWARE IF YOU SEND YOUR FILTHY ASHES TO MY BASE IN SIGONELLA. IT IS AN ITALIAN PRODUCT ON AMERICAN TERRITORY, IF YOU DO THAT I WILL MAKE YOU PAY A VERY HEAVY DUTY.

ETNA --- WELL, MATE ... FIRST OF ALL, LOW THAT FINGER DOWN. THEN, STOP SCREAMING SINCE WE ARE NOT AT THE FISH MARKET. I WILL THROW MY ASHES WHEREVER I WANT, IF I MUST PAY THE DUTY I WILL PAY ...............

...........BUT I WILL USE MY OWN CURRENCY, THAT IS... THE VOLCANIC BOMBS. AND IF I THROW THE SMALLEST ONE ON YOUR HEAD THEN THEY'LL HAVE TO USE THE NUCLEAR MICROSCOPE TO FIND YOU, GO FIGURE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE BIGGER ONE.  SO??? WHAT SHOULD WE DO??

TRUMP - UH... I THINK I'LL GO BACK TO THE USA ON THE FIRST PLANE. GOODBYE, BOSS!

ETNA - GOOD BOY, GO BACK TO THE FAIR.

MARSILI, NON C'E' BISOGNO DI TE...

MARSILI:

- Ok, let's get out of the sea and see if....

                           ==  ???!!! ==

- Nope... they DEFINITELY don't need me. With those guys around, they will destroy themselves in a very short time....
 

25 NOV -- NO VIOLENCE DAY

 

NOVEMBER 25....NO GENDER VIOLENCE DAY

What does it mean?

You must never hit or touch a lady, not even with a flower.

(STROMBOLI: did you see her? if I only try to touch her hard, she will throw me in the deep of the Marianas Trench!)

But it also means you must not insult nor mock your dwarfy friend only because he is shorty and a bit ugly....

and you must respect: little volcanoes that smell of sulphure, volcanoes that sleep or are extincts.... and respect fragile people, weak men, gay&lesbians, people with handicap and so on....

IL CANTO DELLE DONNE

 

STROMBOLI & VULCANO: we don't have a mouth, yet we can talk, sing and roar... how dare you, humans, force someone who has a mouth to silence?

STROMBOLI: Go sister! Scream out loud! Sing for them! Sing in their name!

ETNA SINGS FOR THE WOMEN OF AFGHANISTAN....

A RECENT LAW OF THE TALIBAN GOVERNMENT PROHIBITS ALL WOMEN, INCLUDING LITTLE GIRLS, FROM SINGING OR EVEN TALKING OUTSIDE THEIR HOME.

ROSSI E NERI

 

SO THE BLACKS (right wing) WON AND THE REDS (left wing) LOST.

Etna and Stromboli -- AND WHAT ABOUT US? WE ARE BOTH!

THEN YOU ARE THE SMARTEST THINKING BEINGS IN THE WHOLE STORY!

Vulcano -- BUT I AM A YELLOW ONE! AND I AM TIRED OF THIS DICTATORSHIP OF BLACK SAND AND RED LAVA. I WANT LAWS FOR THE SULPHURS, FOR DEGASSING BASES, FOR CUTTING TAXES .... AND BUSES TOO ... FOR THIS AND THAT...

THE CONFUSED THIRD PART

SICILIA AL VOTO

 

- NOW, GO AND VOTE LIKE GOOD CITIZENS.... AND IF YOU EVER THINK OF THROWING SOME POLITICIANS INTO MY CRATER, PLEASE, DON'T DO IT.

.... THAT KIND OF POLLUTION IS REALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DISPOSE, EVEN IN SUCH A LARGE VOLCANO AS I AM!

FORSE TI CONVIENE ...

 

ELLY SCHLEIN: - NO MORE EXCUSES, NO MORE ESCAPING YOUR RESPONSIBILITY... NOW I AM THE OPPONENT! AND I SAY YOU MUST GIVE ANSWERS TO SICILIANS.

DAMN IT, WILL YOU ERUPT AT LAST ???

ETNA: < I THINK I SHOULD>

STROMBOLI: <THIS ONE IS GOING TO REPLACE ME...>

CERCASI VULCANO FRANCESE PER LOTTA LIBERA...

 - italy and france are quarreling. so ... what about us? couldn't we fight against some french volcanoes too?

- well, you decide: in France there are the Puys volcanoes, the Suchets...

- ah, ah, ah, a bunch of sleepyheads!

- then there are the volcanoes of Reunion, like Piton des Neiges, Piton de la Fournaise...

- uhm...ok,...I think I'll fight against the mud volcanoes of Paterno right now. Tomorrow, who knows, Italy and France could become friends again and... perhaps... get engaged too...

- what a brave guy!

DOLCISSIMO NANO.... !!

 

- WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR AGES, AND YOU NEVER SENT ME A "SWEET LETTER" LIKE THE ONE PUTIN WROTE TO SILVIO BERLUSCONI... shame on you!

- WELL, I USUALLY SEND SOME NICE PYROCLASTIC FLOW AND SOME VERY SWEET MICRO-TSUNAMI. ISN'T IT ENOUGH?   (ah! women!!!)

PONTE-barra-SULLO STRETTO

 

- WHY DO ALL THESE NEWLY ELECTED PRESIDENTS OF SICILY SWEAR THEY WILL BUILD THE BRIDGE OVER MESSINA STRAIT ... AND THEN WON'T DO IT AT ALL?

- FOR THE SAME REASON WHY I LOVE TO MAKE THE GRAPHICS OF TREMOR GO UP AND DOWN, ALL THE TIME. THEY CALL IT "KEEP A BASE OF FOLLOWERS" FOR THE FUTURE.

- YEAH... SURE! AT MY PLACE, INSTEAD, THEY CALL IT "MAKE A FOOL OF ALL THOSE STUPID CHICKENS WHO BELIEVE IT"