L'ETNA DEI RICCHI

 

DANY (former Minister of Tourism and rich wife of a very rich man): --- HELLO DARLING, IT'S DANY... I THIN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I WANT YOU TO BE MY BRAND NEW SUPER-LUXURY EMPIRE. I WANT TO BUILD HERE ... YOU KNOW... GLAMPING, EXISTENTIAL SPA, BOUTIQUE HOTEL... WHATEVER... SOME 3000 EUROS PER NIGHT, YOU UNDERSTAND?

ETNA  --- OK BUT WHY DON'T YOU TRY WITH STROMBOLI FIRST?

DANY --- WHO... THIS DWARF OVER THERE, WHO HARDLY COMES OUT OF THE FOG? MY BATHROOM IS TWICE AS LARGER!

NO, BABY, I WANT YOU. SO NOW TELL ME, PLEASE, WHERE CAN I START BUILDING MY SUPER-LUXURY STRUCTURES!

ETNA --- OK, WRITE DOWN... THE PLACE IS CALLED <<PERNICANA FAULT>>... VERY NICE, ON MY NORTH FLANK, WITH A VIEW OVER TAORMINA  

DANY --- WOW, GREAT, LET ME WRITE: PER-NI-CA-NA---NORTH...

SILENCE, PLEASE!

 

ME:  SO, WHAT IS THIS SILENCE, SUDDENLY?

.......... DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AT ALL?

ETNA: ARE YOU SURE YOU REALLY WANT ME TO "SAY" SOMETHING?

----THINKING ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE FROM LAST ERUPTION------

ME: UHMMM....NOOOPE!

ETNA: "M'AVA PASSU" (sicilian: I THINK I MISUNDERSTOOD)

SEXY RED

 

STROMBOLI --- HEY, IT'S NOT NEW YEAR'S EVE... CHANGE THAT RED UNDERWEAR, YOU SHAMELESS!

ETNA --- ENVY, HUH??

Eruzione Etna 6 agosto 2026

Etna eruption aug. 6th

AMORE NON CORRISPOSTO

 

ETNA LOVES US SO VERY MUCH.... SHE DOESN'T WANT US TO LEAVE!!!!

REMIGRA STO CAxxx

 

ETNA -- Hey, I don't want you to steal other people's job

STROMBOLI -- Is it my fault if you don't want to be a volcano anymore while I still do?

ETNA -- Besides, you are the only one who takes his magma from the African plate

STROMBOLI -- So what?

ETNA -- So... REMIGRATION!

STROMBOLI -- Fine! I will "remigrate" anywhere you like, if you start a super eruption right now... I mean, immediately.

ETNA  .......

STROMBOLI -- So? I'm waiting for it.......

QUATTRO LETTERE

 

ME: <<LISTEN, BABY...HURRY UP AND DO SOMETHING, AT LAST!

I MUST WRITE ABOUT YOU, FOR MY JOB, AND MUST DRAW CARTOONS ABOUT YOU TOO, BUT YOU WON'T GIVE ME ANY INSPIRATION. I DON'T KNOW... ERUPT! THROW ASH! BOOM! DRAW GAS RINGS ... GIVE ME ANY REASON TO TELL ABOUT YOU!>>

ETNA: <<SYNONYM FOR MONOTONY AND LACK OF ACTIVITY: 4 LETTERS>>

ME:    <<ETNA>>

NOZZE DI LAVA

 

1  WHEN YOU SEE HER FOR THE FIRST TIME................

2  .........  AFTER 30 YEARS MARRIED !

PREGHIERA INFINITA

 

ETNA:

<< UHM, LISTEN... ALL THOSE WHO STARTED PRAYING GOD, LAST YEAR,  ASKING HIM TO STOP THE DROUGHT, IN SICILY ... WELL...COULD YOU, PLEASE ... HAVE A COFFEE BREAK, NOW, PERHAPS???>>

TANTA NEVE NON FA PRIMAVERA

 

ETNA: oh oh oh, merry christmas

STROMBOLI: it's almost Easter! Maybe you are happy with this eternal snow, but in the meantime Spring time has come!--------Here, swallow, you tell her! She won't believe me.

SWALLOW BIRD: What Spring?! Where? I am going back south, to Morocco, MASH'ALLAH!!!

FOLLOW ME

 

---------------------------------

ETNA -- HEY, YOU MUST UPDATE YOUR INSTAGRAM AND BLOG. DO YOU HEAR ME?

DO IT NOW, OR YOUR FOLLOWERS WON'T FOLLOW ANYMORE.

(CARTOONIST SLEEPING HAPPILY)

....AND IT IS USELESS TO COUNT THEM LIKE SHEEP.

LOOK! LOOK WHERE THEY ARE GOING, ALL OF THEM!

STROMBOLI -- YEAH, COME! COME HERE, YOU DADDY'S KIDS!

PERSI (TOTALI) NELLA NEVE

 

--------------------------

GUY IN THE CAR 1 -- Hey... we climbed up here like idiots

     (you said it, bro!)

...... ended up in a tons of snow and WHERE IS THIS ETNA???

GUY IN THE CAR 2 -- Yeah... where is this Etna?

ETNA -- Yeah... where am I?

L'ETNA, IL TEIDE E SINNER

 

--------------------------- 

HELLO ETNA, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS FOR YOU: YOU ARE NOT THE "HIGHEST ACTIVE VOLCANO IN EUROPE"   

----  SPAIN'S MOUNT TEIDE IS 3718 m HIGH, THAT IS 300 m MORE THAN YOU, AND SINCE IT LAST ERUPTED IN 1909 AND TODAY IT STILL HAS GOT  STEAM FUMAROLES AND HOT SPOTS... IT IS ACTIVE AND GOT THE RECORD!

ETNA -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SAYING THAT TENNIS NUMBER 1 CHAMPION IS NOT JANNIK SINNER BUT JOHN McENROE, ONLY BECAUSE McENROE WON IT ALL BACK IN 1981 AND TODAY HE SOMETIMES STILL PLAYS TABLE TENNIS WITH HIS OLD AGE COMPANIONS!     (hey, easy with modesty!)

MT TEIDE (in Spanish) --- WELL, BABY, DON'T TAKE IT SO BAD! WHAT ABOUT A REMATCH??

HAPPY 2026

 LET'S MAKE BOTTLE CAPS POP !!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2026

POSSEDUTA

 

ETNA --- MY TERRITORY IS DIVIDED AMONG DIFFERENT MUNICIPALITIES. I AM NOT JUST "ONE" VOLCANO AND "ONE" MOUNTAIN... I AM A MIX OF MANY ENTITIES.

STROMBOLI --- VADE RETRO, YOU POSSESSED THING!!!!

FAMOSETTA E INTELLIGENTE

 

GRAZ - Ok, you have nothing to say?

ETNA - Yeah... I'm waiting for the storm so I'll have a nice shower, and you are bothering. Is that ok?

GRAZ - Nope --- After you took part into ETNA SOCIAL HUB event, you are famous. You must keep your followers' attention high, so you better say something new everyday.

ETNA - Dear followers, I'm going to have a shower under the rain storm...

GRAZ - You are supposed to say something INTELLIGENT...

ETNA - "I support Sumud Flotilla, the climate change must be stopped, it is important to keep the national safety, the number of cardinals at the Vatican's...."

GRAZ - Much better. But try again ...

ETNA - Listen... when politicians will prove they can have more followers than me by saying smart things, then I also will. But now, please, let me have my shower and leave me alone!!

ADESSO SCENDO

 

ETNA - why are you all so sad

PEOPLE - It's because of the warnings, and the forbidden areas... they won't let us come to see you

ETNA - How do they dare keeping my people off?

PEOPLE - Go! Tell 'em!

ETNA - Well, if they won't let you come up... I will go down. Now I will open a series of nice craters below 1000 meters and so they wi....

PEOPLE - NO!

ETNA   - Ok, guys... never mind!

NON MI VENDO

 

TRUMP: hey volcana, I've just bought the EU, Scotland and planning to buy Greenland soon. But I also want you as my private spa. What is your cost? How much?

ETNA: "Howmuch-a" this bunch of lapilli, man! You won't buy me!

TRUMP: Everyone is for sale. How much do you want? 10 millions? 5 billions? 200 billions?

ETNA: ok, if you must ... you can have me if you give me that expired herbicide you splat on your face so to make it orange!

TRUMP: what?? no, no, I really need that color... I won't give it away, not even for saving my life. How would I look so tanned, then???

ETNA: DON'T WORRY, I'LL MANAGE TO TAN YOU PROPERLY!

TRUMP (RUNNING AWAY): - Hey Giorgia, daddy here... listen... I'm not interested in the spa anymore. I'll think about pilates, maybe, or bingo.... yeah, let's see... I better go...

ETNA: DON'T LET ANYONE BUY YOU. NEVER.

LEONI O SCOGLIAZZI ?

 

------------------------ -------------------

- You see? Web Lions, or " #haters " are just like that... They threaten, bark, roar, they feel so very much like great volcanoes, and they are nothing but STUPID PIER ROCKS, instead!

BALLE DI SINISTRA

 

HOW CAN I EXPLAIN.... ALL OF YOU WHO SAY "CLIMATE CHANGE IS JUST WOKE BULLS**T BECAUSE HEAT AND COLD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE", YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND IT IS NOT THE SINGLE DATUM, IT IS ABOUT A TOTAL, GENERAL, SLOW CHANGE.

SAY, VOLCANIC ERUPTION TOO... THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE. 

BUT I WASN'T.

AND WHEN, 500.000 YEARS AGO, SOMEONE SAID THAT SO MANY ERUPTION WOULD MAKE ME RISE AND GROW, I BET THERE WERE PEOPLE WHO ALSO THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ANOTHER "WOKE BULLS**T"!!

CI SONO BLOCCHI E BLOCCHI

 

STROMBOLI: did you hear that? a very rich human, today, has blocked a whole city just to celebrate his wedding!

ETNA: so what? If I want, I can block cities, airports and regions by remaining a single and living on bread and onions!